The Dwight Howard Free-Agency Saga Can’t End Soon Enough

Make a decision already, Dwight. (Screen shot from

Make a decision already, Dwight. (Screen shot from

I have a confession to make: I am sick of Dwight Howard but not for the reasons you’re probably thinking of.

I don’t care about his petulance or immaturity issues.

I don’t care about the fact that he keeps getting coaches fired at every stop he makes.

I don’t care about his lame impersonations.

I don’t care about any of that stuff. What I do care about, though, is that it has all been covered ad nauseam over the past two years and, as a basketball fan, I can’t get away from it.

Since our twitter feed is filled with basketball people, much of the discussion I’ve read there since the end of the NBA Finals has been Howard talk. In the morning, I like to watch SportsCenter, but that is becoming more unbearable with each day that passes without Howard picking his next team. The conversation is rarely about how James Harden or Stephen Curry’s game might match with Howard’s, but instead about how Howard doesn’t like Mike D’Antoni’s system, the Los Angeles Lakers faithful or Kobe Bryant. It’s about how Howard might make more money here, but no, if he goes here there’s no state income tax so he’ll actually make more money there. It’s about how a Dallas restaurant has offered Howard free chicken fingers for life if he signs with the Dallas Mavericks. Wait … free chicken fingers for life? That’s not a bad deal, I wonder if they’d throw in fries too?

And the jokes! The jokes are so terrible. Everyone keeps referring to the situation as a “Dwightmare” like they were the first one to come up with it. Seriously, people? You’ve had two years to work on this material. That’s the best you can do?

If Howard would just pick a team, maybe we could start talking about actual basketball again. I’d love to consider how Howard might mesh with Harden in Houston or Nowitzki in Dallas (article coming soon on that depending where he signs). Howard has complained about D’Antoni’s pick-and-roll system, but the pick-and-roll is something that Harden excels at. It’d be interesting to see how Houston might design a system that fits both players best qualities.

And make no mistake about it, a healthy Howard is a top-five player in the NBA. Whether or not he can fully return to pre-back surgery Howard remains to be seen, but if he can his presence would instantly boost Houston to championship contender status. After a forgettable season in Los Angeles, which was due in part to the fact that he returned to soon from his injury, people seem to have forgotten just how dominant Howard can be when fully healthy.

So please, Dwight, pick a team. Sure, Houston is easily the best fit if you want to be on a contender and I’d love to see you play alongside Harden, but I really don’t care anymore. I just want the soap opera to end. I want my basketball talk to be about actual basketball again. Most of all, I want those god-awful jokes to stop.

Actually though, at this moment, I’m having a weird food craving. I want chicken fingers right now more than any of that stuff. Where could that have …

Thanks a lot, Dwight.


CharlieCharlie Crespo (@Little_Utopia) is the editor-in-chief of Little Utopia.

Previously from Charlie Crespo:
Your Monday Monkey News Update
Beertopia: Goose Island’s Honker’s Ale
For the Miami Heat, the Smallest Bounce Makes All the Difference
Nik Wallenda’s Grand Canyon Walk: A Dream That Should Have Been Deferred
Viral Video of the Day: LeBron James Keeps His Head

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