Your Monday Monkey News Update

Mally is still a Belieber. (Future Image/startraksphoto.com)

Mondays suck. You know this. The long work week stretches out in front of you with no end in sight. You’re tired and grumpy. And the emails … so many emails! They never stop coming. They’re piling up in your inbox right now as you read this instead of getting to work. You should get on that. But wait! Before you do, we have news. Monkey news!

If you’ve been reading us consistently, you know that monkeys, along with robots, are one of our recurring ~~topics~~ obsessions around here. We weren’t conscious of this before we started this magazine, but with each passing article it becomes more and more apparent to us. Hey, we all have our issues.

A few months ago, we told you a sad story that involved Justin Bieber abandoning his pet monkey in a German airport. We weren’t sure what would become of Mally, but we’re happy to report that things are looking up for the capuchin monkey. Mally, now six months old, is living in Serengeti Park in Hodenhagen, near Hanover in northern Germany, where he will soon be joined by his new family — six other capuchin monkeys.

So all is well on the monkey news front, for this week at least. As you know, however, monkey news is volatile and just because this story had a happy ending doesn’t mean we (particularly our managing editor) still don’t suggest using extreme caution around all types of primates.

Really though, this article was just an excuse to bring up Bieber in order to show you a video about his crazed fans. Jimmy Kimmel recently sent his Lie Witness News team to interview the Bieber faithful to discover just how devoted they truly are and, as you would expect, they are really insanely devoted. As you will see, in the eyes of the true Beliebers, Beiber can do no wrong. Even if that means punching his own grandma.