I suddenly want to eat this. (Screen shot from http://youtu.be/qlqlfebEV_Y)

We’ve all had it happen. Suddenly and without warning, you find yourself craving an extremely specific food. Maybe it’s pizza. Maybe it’s sushi. Maybe it’s a lot of things, but it’s probably Chinese food.

There was a time a while ago when people couldn’t figure out why they kind of always wanted Chinese food. Then, someone fingered the blame on MSG. Not only was it maybe addictive, the common perception became, but it also was probably bad for you, leading to headaches and weakness, among other maladies. Well, as it turns out, studies have shown that none of that is true. MSG isn’t addictive, and you can eat it without feeling any bad side effects, as long as you don’t consume insane amounts of it.

This was news to celebrate indeed, except, well, other studies claim that it is bad for you. And, if you read on one man’s account of eating MSG on everything for a week straight, it does kind of sound like the cocaine of food ingredients. So maybe MSG is the reason you always kind of want Chinese food. Or maybe it isn’t.

Based on what life experience has taught me though, you are probably not physically addicted to Chinese food, regardless of whether it has MSG or not. Actually, I should qualify that. You’re probably not physically addicted to Chinese food as long as you haven’t been eating it from a noodle vendor in northern Shaanxi province.

If you have been eating Chinese food from that particular vendor, you are definitely addicted to Chinese food. Why? Because that noodle chef was taken into custody for 10 days back in September for lacing his dishes with powdered poppy plant (the stuff that opium is made from). He wasn’t a bad guy or anything; he just really wanted you to love those noodles. So, yeah, if you’ve been eating there, you’ve been craving Chinese food for a reason.

Except, wait a minute, according to the South China Morning Post, an anti-narcotics police agent said that even those potent noodles would take “a long period of time … [to] have an addictive effect.” And … now I’m just confused about everything.

So, after all that, what have we learned? Nothing. I have no idea why you want Chinese food all the time. Something is wrong with you.

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Charlie Crespo (@Little_Utopia) is the editor-in-chief of Little Utopia.

Previously from Charlie Crespo:
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♦ We are All Mike Francesa
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