On the football field, the New York Jets are sad and pathetic.
In the most Jets moment of all time, the team ended their season last year by giving head coach Rex Ryan a Gatorade bath for going 8-8. Read that again. This is the same Rex Ryan who proclaims they will win the Super Bowl just about every year. The Jets have yet to win a Super Bowl under him and are 22-26 over the last three years with zero playoff appearances.
Again though, that three year record makes them sound better than they actually are. The Jets are barely a football team. The only thing that kept them from being one of the worst teams in NFL history last season was sheer dumb luck. Despite a point differential of -97 (!!!!!), Gang Green somehow managed a record of 8-8. If anyone ever tells you that miracles aren’t real, just show that person the Jets’ 2013 season.
Also show them this. For laughs. And because it deserves to live forever.
But the Jets aren’t content with simply being an embarrassment on the field. They want to lead the league in desperation off the field as well. And so far, they’re off to an impressive start this season.
According to reports, back in April the Jets took Ed Anzalone out to lunch and asked him if he wanted to be Fireman Ed again. He rejected them.
If you’re unfamiliar with Fireman Ed (and if you are, congratulations on living a better life than I am), he was a Jets superfan, who led the J-E-T-S chants. Around 2009, he started to gain some national notoriety, and the Jets officially made him a part of their in-game presentation. However, Fireman Ed retired from superfandom in 2012 because Jets fans turned on him and incessantly harassed him during games.
Since then, the Jets haven’t been able to find anyone to lead their chants. They’ve tried all sorts of stuff, including a drum corps, celebrities, and crowd orchestrations, but none of it has worked. So, after being spurned by Fireman Ed, the Jets have moved on to what seems to be a last resort: They are holding a contest to pick a new superfan.
But again — just so we’re clear on this — an NFL franchise pleaded with a guy who calls himself “Fireman Ed” to go back to leading chants in their stadium, and he was like nah. I don’t know how they do it, but the Jets manage to make the Buffalo Bills look like a competent and successful organization.
Please don’t ever stop being you, Jets.
Charlie Crespo (@Little_Utopia) is the editor-in-chief of Little Utopia.
Previously from Charlie Crespo:
♦ In Praise of KSU President Raymond Burse
♦ Viral Video of the Week: Sneaky Lion Cub Scares Dog
♦ Is Print Dead? What About Now? Now?
♦ Justin Bieber is Pretty Much the Worst, but His Music Will Save You from a Bear Attack
♦ Viral Video of the Week: Watch this Sheep Own a Cyclist in a Race