The Quest to Determine 2014’s Signature Food: Doritos Loaded Announces its Candidacy

You will be mine. (Screen shot from http://youtu.be/tUQRkp_IUec)

You will be mine, Doritos Loaded. (Screen shot from http://youtu.be/tUQRkp_IUec)

[Editor’s Note: This article is the first installment of a (hopefully) recurring column in which we discuss the latest food obsession and consider its chances at becoming 2014’s signature fare. At Little Utopia we not only love eating food, but we also love chronicling the insane obsessions that people develop over the latest must-try comestible. So, this column will appear each time that we feel a trend is worthy of being considered. At the end of the year, we might let you vote to decide the food that best represents 2014. Or, we might just decide for you. We haven’t decided yet. We haven’t even actually decided if this column will appear ever again. But we’re hopeful. That’s a start.]

For many, 2013 was the year of the cronut. And if you are one of the people that sung the praises of Dominque Ansel’s frankenpastry or were willing to stand in line for hours to try it, you have my deep, unwavering respect. There’s no denying the wonder that is the cronut, and I’m envious of all those who have tried it. But that doesn’t mean I agree with your claim. You’re still wrong about the supremacy of the cronut.

2013 was the year of the waffle. In all of its mutant forms, the waffle dominated. Whether it was as a potato chip with its BFF chicken, as a waffle taco, or as the batter for chicken tenders, the waffle owned shit. *Cue to all of Belgium nodding knowingly*

And, if I believe everything I just wrote in that last paragraph, then I must also admit that I failed in 2013. I failed because I never once placed a waffle of any kind in my mouth. Not a waffle as potato chip. Not a waffle as taco. Not a waffle as chicken tender. Not even a waffle as waffle. I’m ashamed and disgusted with 2013 me.

But 2014 is a new year, and I plan on redeeming myself. As long as it is humanly (but more so economically) possible, I will try every contender for 2014’s food MVP and report back to you. First up on the list is an unexpected threat to waffles’ syrupy crown: Doritos.

Now, Doritos isn’t going to take down the versatile waffle with a now 50 year-old cheese tortilla chip. They’re not going to do it with their Doritos Locos Taco either, no matter how many flavors they release. To unseat the waffle, Doritos will have to do something a little bit risky, a little bit excessive, a little bit … 3D?

Well, not that kind of 3D. Those things were terrible. All of humanity should be thankful that Doritos 3D has been extinguished from this Earth for good.

But, after partnering with 7-Eleven, it seems like Doritos might have a new-and-improved 3D snack built to topple the waffle with its new “Doritos Loaded.” According to early reviews, the “Doritos Loaded” is, essentially, a  Dorito stuffed with queso dip. It’s also baked instead of fried, so it’s … um … not as artery clogging as it possibly could be?

Before you scramble for your car keys to head to the nearest 7-Eleven, you should know that unless you’re in the DC area, you probably won’t find them. “Doritos Loaded” are in the testing stages and can only be found in a handful of stores. Let’s all hope that that changes sometime soon.

And when it does, I will be camping in front of my local 7-Eleven the night before so that I can be first in line to burn my mouth on scorching queso dip. Until then, I’ll have to remain intrigued but undecided about “Doritos Loaded’s” chances of vanquishing the waffle.

Watch out, waffle. Your days are numbered.

______________________________________________________________________________

CharlieCharlie Crespo (@Little_Utopia) is the editor-in-chief of Little Utopia.

Previously from Charlie Crespo:
Viral Video of the Week: What Should We Think About These Rapping Teachers?
The Strange Saga of “Flappy Bird”
The Life of a Cheese Maker’s Apprentice: An Interview With Turner Reynolds
Viral Video of the Week: There’s Nothing Quite Like Local News
The Sochi Olympics are an Unmitigated Disaster (And the Games Have Barely Begun)

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One response to “The Quest to Determine 2014’s Signature Food: Doritos Loaded Announces its Candidacy

  1. Crespo tell me you were at Corey’s house atleast once in our younger partying days where I treated everyone to delicious mini-waffles good times my friend cuz those waffles were DYNAMITE!

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