At the beginning of this NFL season, I made a
relatively easy gut-wrenching decision. I decided to forgo playing fantasy football, for what would have been my fifth consecutive year.
This decision was painful not only for myself but also for my friends. When they learned of my decision, they BEGGED me to come back. They just couldn’t see how their league would go on without me. I had made all the best jokes on the comment boards. I had sniffed out and prevented collusion from occurring between those who didn’t respect the honor of the league. In short, I was
everything you wanted a fantasy football team owner to be and more. [Editor’s note: This is truly, truly delusional.]
But, after four long years, I decided to sell my majority owner stake in Devil’s Avocado. I just didn’t have the drive to compete at the highest level anymore. And when I realized that, I knew that I wouldn’t be doing the game justice by hanging on and trying to grind out another couple of years. It was time to move on.
As I sat around this Fall with no reason to watch awful games like Jaguars-Texans (it’s weird adjusting to life when you’re not dependent on Cecil Shorts to fill your Sundays with happiness), I came to terms with the fact that my run was finally over. I found new things to do. There would be no going back.
But then, just a few days ago, a sign came
down from above from Twitter. As usual, I handled the news with the composure and levelheadedness that the situation called for.
Just like that, the Puppy Bowl had changed the fantasy game forever. Somehow, they had managed to improve on an unimprovable (not a word, but people, you can have a fantasy puppy team now! Anything is possible!) event. Good luck competing with that, Super Bowl XLVIII.
According to Animal Planet, after you draft your team, stats will be kept on the screen so you can monitor your team’s progress during the game. But, how will they keep stats? The Puppy Bowl doesn’t really have teams or scoring really. It’s just puppies doing puppy stuff. Any stats will be totally random. Wait a second … that’s how all fantasy sports work!
With that realization comes another one: I can’t miss out on this. I’m officially un-retiring from fantasy sports to internet compete in Puppy Bowl X. And I will subsequently retire again after the game only to un-retire again next year for Puppy Bowl XI.
And with the first pick in the 2014 Puppy Bowl draft … Devil’s Avocado is proud to select … from THE Old English Sheep Dog State University … Ginger!
Don’t blow this for me, Ginger.
Previously from Charlie Crespo:
♦ Viral Video of the Week: You Shall Not Pass!
♦ Don’t be a Menace to New York City While Drinking Your Adult Bevarage at SantaCon
♦ Viral Video of the Week: Don’t Let Your Cat Decorate the Christmas Tree
♦ Please, Allow Us to be the First to Welcome You to Creepsville, USA
♦ Yet Another Example of Why Airlines Are Not to be Trusted