I had wanted to break this news to you earlier, dear reader, but I thought it might be in poor taste.
No one of us would like to be judged by our most regrettable or shameful public moment and I thought maybe this guy was just having a rough day. We all have at least one of those moments, don’t we? And, of course, no one wants to be the guy who spoils someone’s idea of a beloved childhood figure. After all, this is how you probably remember him, right?
But Cookie Monster has changed since his halcyon Sesame Street years. These days, he’s wandering the streets of New York city, probably reeking of brass monkeys, creating all kinds of havoc. Don’t believe me? What could the sweet, wholesome Cookie Monster be doing to create havoc, you say? Terrible things, friends. Terrible, terrible things.
Back in April, Cookie Monster assaulted a two-year-old boy, after his mother, who happened to be a famous Bollywood actress, refused to give him a tip for taking a picture with the Sesame Street alum. The Daily Mail also reported that Cookie Monster told the mother, “You are a b***h, your son is a b*****d and your stuff is trash.” That’s interesting actually — no, not the language — I just never would have thought that Cookie Monster would have been familiar with Bollywood.
When I heard that though, I thought there was still hope. Maybe he’ll learn from his mistakes and become a better monster in spite of them. And then just yesterday, I saw something I’ll never be able to unsee, no matter how hard I try.
In a video, which I will provide a link to, Cookie Monster stares lustily at a pair of semi-nude body-paint models, painted by artist Andy Golub. It’s disturbing and creepy and I felt dirty after I saw it. His jaw is agape and … those eyes! Those lifeless, googly eyes! In his defense, Cookie Monster will probably claim he was just admiring the “art,” but, come on monster, we know what you were doing.
(WARNING: This video is hilarious and it will make you laugh until your stomach hurts. However, keep in mind that it both cannot be unseen and that it has women covered only by body paint in it, so it’s probably NSFW. You can’t say I didn’t warn you. Click here to see the video and lose what remaining innocence you had.)
It’s really hard to see Cookie Monster head down this road. At one point, he had it all — all the cookies a monster could ask for. And now he’s just thrown it all away. Maybe he’ll get his act together, but it certainly doesn’t look good, especially because he’s been hanging around Elmo lately.
Oh, you didn’t hear about that, either? Elmo is a racist.
Yeah, I said it.
Charlie Crespo (@Little_Utopia) is the editor-in-chief of Little Utopia.
Previously from Charlie Crespo:
♦ Because of Course J.R. Smith is Driving an Armored Vehicle
♦ Monday’s Viral Video: Can Someone Explain the Internet?
♦ Beertopia: Brooklyn Brewery’s Brooklyn Lager
♦ Say It Ain’t So, Bikram
♦ Nigella Lawson and the Bystander Effect